Well once again I find it hilarious to log on to this poor, sad,  neglected blog....  I desire to be here,  to write, to share and yet it never seems to happen.  I have SEVERAL drafts started but they never seem to make it to the final publish stage for one reason or another.  The last few seasons have been draining to say the least but God is faithful and that truth is one that allows this momma to rest.

Why so draining?   Well there seems to be a journey of life that I really have gotten to know well in the last several years personally and that is that life doesn't always seem fair, I can't control everything (ouch!) and life is not without challenges! There has been heartache, headaches,  madness, stress, adrenal fatigue, anxiety, bowel obstructions, tourette syndrome, food allergies, flooded shower = replacing the entire main level hardwoods, said new floors deemed defective and replaced again, all while homeschooling and trying to keep life "normal" - ha!   I feel like we have been on a non-stop roller coaster for 4 years.    BUT God IS faithful and he's proven through each and every one of these circumstances that He has not forgotten us,  He is sovereign, he provides and though at times I have felt broken I have never been without hope and in his grace I continue to experience His joy and strength. 

Now, I certainly don't intend to write a woe is me novel -I am surrounded by some dear sweet friends who are facing much larger mountains and pain than I have ever known.... I'm overwhelmed by their willingness to share and be real with their stories ~ it encourages me beyond words.  I have been blessed beyond measure with friends that have been willing to do the same for me -  these beautiful women have surrounded me and literally have been the hands and feet of Jesus towards me... they have listened, cried and prayed along with me....  there is something powerful about someone willing to cry with you.... I think we so often go into fix it mode with our friends - I have been guilty of that myself.....  I didn't really ever consider there is a process to hurting.  There is the sorrow and weepy stage where you just need to own your sadness when you are in this stage anyone that says "oh so and so has a kid with that they are fine!" you want to cause them physical pain.  Then at some point there is a shift and you kinda want to know about that kids story and see them, meet their families talk to them about their journey....  and then the time comes when you are ready and called upon to share your own.  We have only recently been in the 3rd stage but my first few phone calls from families wanting to talk to me as they were easing into stage 2 -  it was such a redemptive moment to share and understand that God is indeed working this out for our good and His glory!



Never in my wildest dreams did I think my I can't breathe first public cry over the difficulty of tourettes Syndrome would be met by a hug from momma whom I sang with at church who has a son with tourettes....  I often have felt God provided a place for me to serve in singing to meet her (among some others) Before I get lost in a tangent -(again!)   Where am I going with this?! God didn't allow her to journey through tourettes for no reason beyond the encouragement and rock she has been for me she recounts God's faithfulness- her son's relationship with the Lord and in those redeeming moments of  sharing our stories we are glorifying God and encouraging others in their walk of faith or TO a walk of faith!  I have had moments where I drift into the what if's - what if that was different or that problem didn't happen or if I did that differently etc... but truth is... I would not change my journey... I see God at work and I trust Him.  I continue to pray for wisdom, healing, relief, answers- He is working this out for our good and His Glory - sometimes not in the order I think is best but retrospect is an amazing thing.... He is faithful, He is faithful and He is faithful again.    

As I raise and love on my boys and do anything (and I mean anything!!) to protect and keep them from harm I see more and more clearly the love of our God towards us and just how truly beautiful it is that He willingly offered his son Jesus to redeem us.  The gospel message alone has gripped my heart.... and life here on earth being filled with trials and things that aren't always fair ~  to face the rawness of life with the hope of our heavenly father breathes life into my weary heart, and then in that secret place of tears and questions they turn to prayer then praise ~  the comfort of his words towards me, the presence of his spirit - it moves.....  I'm lifted.  I'm filled.  I have life in me that has nothing to do with what I have and what I don't have.  It's Jesus plus nothing.  And as God is pursuing my heart - he is pursing the hearts of our kiddos - he wants and knows what is best for them - and that control thing I mentioned earlier? WOW it is so hard sometimes to rest when we don't have control.....  but He is faithful and he is able to capture the heart of our kids.... My little guy was having a rough day...  came down all cute fresh from the shower in his robe, hair parted and combed like he was headed to the cigar lounge in Downton Abbey -  He said to me " Mom -  I have a home, I have my family and I have Jesus everything will be fine."  My heart fluttered and was filled with an overwhelming peace..... He is faithful. 
 
 We have a chalk paint on our pantry door - this was our family scripture verse this past school year.  I simply love to have scripture throughout the house -  it keeps my mind from wondering and points my thoughts towards heaven and the goodness of our God. 

 Lauren